My arms couldn't hold
by Saiyura
Summary: It wasn't my fault I turned into this 'thing' it was that voices in my mind. The one that told me that I loved you in this sick twisted way. Rape mentions of rape delusions Non con Dub con Leo/Raph Raph/Leo insanity leather bondage For Jeegoo/Vuravuru R&R


My arm's couldn't hold you. Not with the suffering I was going through at the same time. It wasn't that we both had our own complex that made us glare, piss each other off, or start the fights. It was that constant nagging in the back of our heads, that 'If I could, I would' but it was that small voice that spoke in some volume that drowned out our logical neurons in our brain.

The voice said in such a sarcastic tone that ripped and tore at us that it caused my chest to heave as I'd struggle late at night, alone, to the bathroom just to let dinner return to the world of the toilet. I would then wash it away with a good fifteen minutes wash with toothpaste and a toothbrush.

I was cautious but I never thought that, like right now, I'd question that voice that said 'If I could I would' and believe that one that slowly grew over the years when our … When had it become such a drastic step of brotherly friendship to staring down at each other with behemoth distaste? When had that small love twisted itself into such a demented form with three heads. One spouted out the sincere truth and the other kept laughing as my weapon of choice would slowly cut into your flesh.

Sad, isn't it, that right now I'm staring down at you strapped down to that table your golden orbs looking at me with something that actually lightened up with fear. For the first time you looked at me as if I was something you never saw. I am your older brother, I am the one who loved you so softly but in a twisted turn so violently, and I was the one who tricked you and bashed your head in with a fit of rage before bringing him here.

You had made my heart twist and those words of that voice, I know you hear it also, turned sour with jealousy. You just stopped loving me like you should. You questioned me, not like normal, and those eyes right now still held that question 'What are you doing?'.

Isn't it obvious, Raph? I'm trying to make you normal again instead of what that person, our dear brother, was making you. He had found out one day, it was my own carelessness, and it only made you question the actions I did in bed. Yes, now you look at me unsure whether it was true, my love for you.

"Raphael." I slowly start to climb down the stairs into the pool like area, it was a pool in an abandoned building eighteen miles from our normal run and it took a lot of effort on my part to set this up. "Brother, don't look at me like I've lost my mind."

Raph struggled, his bounds made the air ring with the tight 'shisss' sound as it stretched and tightened around Raph's wrists. A small sound came my throat seeing the slowly purple hands and I knew I was wetting my lips lost in a sudden arousal of my younger brother being bound like this. Like the psychotic man waiting for that injection to sedate him.

"Raphael." I try again tearing my gaze from Raph's beautiful wrist and wonderful hands dulling shades I never knew they could dull to. "Tell me, Raph, are you really considering that I love you for another reason other than... just our relationship?"

It was twisted and if I couldn't hold you right now, I had to teach you again. I had to teach you what my love was for and right now staring at those defiant crazed eyes that meant 'get the hell away, Leo' twisted into me like a knife.

I was trying to be nice! I was trying to work on something we both needed and that bastard, our damn brother.

"RAPH!" I nearly shout the words as I moved forward gripping the table Raphael was on, "You just don't understand. Don's... Don's trying to come between us!"

Raph's eyes blinked as he struggled to comprehend what I was saying, "He's trying to tear us apart, Raph, please... I love you." and there was that feeling of loving him but wanting to feel what was really going on with him. To take my blade slide it between the plate on his chest and the skin beneath. To see the blood dripping down his side. To taste it...

There is that look again, that crazed look of fear and the struggling that had stopped a few seconds ago returning with such a feverish attempt that I had to step away. I had to physically pull my mind out of that sick twisted desire because it wouldn't help my brother understand how much I needed him. I needed that bond we shared, not just because we had sex that tended to become extremely one sided and painful to the other side due to the small... well in his mind small...

I looked over at Raph on the table and I grinned, I could see that it wasn't normal in his eyes the way his breathing became still in his chest. I must be different right now because to him I was like something, no, I was acting like something Raph feared and Raph only feared the Shredder.

Was I acting like the Shredder?

A small flash of when the Shredder had us pinned to a building's edge no way of escape, the small call of promise that we'd be safe if we did one thing for him... I agreed only because Michelangelo was losing too much blood and Raphael was suffering from a knee injury.

I remember having the foot swarm us and I went to talk about this 'deal' the Shred-head had.

It was actually simple. Two weeks we had to 'stay' out of his way and we wouldn't be harmed. I knew that if he was asking me this it was something important to the Shredder but Don wasn't able to protect Michelangelo or Raphael and I was far too exhausted.

I closed my eyes facing away from Raph. That was also around the same time I engaged in the sexual activity with Raphael when he had stumbled into my room drunk. In some ways Don or Mikey or Casey, hell April and Splinter would say the same, I took advantage of the situation. Everyone was out doing something and I wanted to stay home to meditate. Raph, I have no idea still why he was home, but it became something I found I liked when I accepted that I loved him like this and not as my crazed fight with no flight brother.

I turned my head narrowed my gaze at Raph. The other shivered. I looked again to the front of me thinking while a sneer contorting my face. My mind drifted off to that night again, the one where I meditated and Raph was drunk; Our first.

Raph stumbled into my room, I could see straight away it was the 'I wont remember jack shit so let's sooo do something' drunk moments that rarely Leo ever saw because Raph was always at Casey's when this happened.

Raph sat next to me on the floor blowing out the candles with ease, surprisingly, before he said something so slurred I wasn't sure if it was gibberish or not. I heard the word 'sex' though and 'try it'. I do remember demanding why Raph was thinking about this but Raph's excuse was 'Only one time, Leo' in such a fashion of words I dare never say again outside of bed with my cock shoved up Raph's ass to the point he's literally crying.

I shake my head, my hand rubbing the irritation under my plastron that the memories brought up. I looked at Raph again, the other was curiously watching me, I ignored him. I thought again on that night.

Raph was vulnerable, he wanted it so I desired to indulge, I suppose you could say, getting up, shutting the door, and locking it an instant, and when I returned back to the floor Raphael was sitting on I had forcefully pulled him to his knees pushing him none to roughly onto the bed and in second I remember that searing kiss and the moan it brought to Raph's throat passed that beak.

Now it wasn't until I was completely aroused that I heard that crystal clear voice telling me how to dominate my brother. It was in such a violent motion after I moved pulling my erection out and used Raph's and my own bandana too tight his legs to the handles on my bed. The splits, oh what a fantastic way to show Raph how good and useful our training was. I remember the taste in my mouth the most. Sweet, sour, and rotten.

It was then after I had pushed in, our first time, that I realized I had to be careful about people being in the lair. Raph screamed loud and it hurt my ears as it was soon ringing in my head with each more thrust I pushed in. Raph didn't stop as I continued until much later when my thrusts were smooth and his body glistening with sweat tears running down his face.

He wanted sex, I gave it to him, but it seemed Raph truthfully didn't want it.

I turned my head back to the world I was in my arousal gone because in the end Raph had been hurt by his own damn carelessness and I didn't know about lubrication.

"What's wit' dat look, Leo?" I had no look on my face, thank you very much, Raph. "Leo... come on, bro, you're scarin' me." I had stepped back over to allow my calloused fingers to trail along the leather rope around Raph's neck. It seemed to make his eyes stand out and a small brilliant idea shot to the pleasure center of my mind. I moved dashing up the stairs before heading out, Raph's scream of 'LEO' followed and echoed with my pounding steps. Raph needed to feel that leather better and the only way to was to get his body glistened in water.

Water.

That's right, our second time I ignited our second sexual intercourse. It was the showers after Mikey and Don had called stating they had to stay with Splinter who couldn't leave April and Casey's apartment. Raph and Leo had split up to allow their family time to run away. Raph didn't remember their first time and Leo didn't bring it up ever but tonight Leo was aroused when he helped wash Raph's body from the blood of that man Shredder killed over Raph's position.

Raph looked hot in red that was the life essence of humans, and themselves. Raph had turned me on to the point that when the water started to wash it away and my arms moved down his skin on those long gorgeous legs. I let my mind steal away from reality a bit.

Those legs had quivered and Raph gave me a quizzical look. I told him it was nothing but... curiosity. It seemed Raphael understood that because, being a mutant five foot tall talking turtle where all the others of your kind were male... you didn't have much other experience of females or the 'vagina' to explore. You had either a dick of another mutant turtle and an ass hole to explore, which I will admit is tight to enter and probably better than any female could give me. Also that feeling of Raph cumming between us; to this day I shiver at that feeling and desire it more and more.

So I had to say I was curious to get our second time, a small lie.

I allowed his hands to move along my body not bothered to be... slightly submissive for this second for just the curious touches. It wasn't until Raph's fingers pushed into my slit rubbing the tip of my erection that my body slammed his against the shower room walls and shoved him a few inches off the ground.

The look he gave me was one of sudden arousal and surprise.

Lubrication be damned again I wanted to be in Raph and I wanted to hear his blood curdling scream that sent every scale on my body shivering, made my blood boiling, and I knew once he screamed I wouldn't stop pounding into him until he moaned and withered and...

I returned to the world around me my thoughts no longer lost. God I was so hot! My erection was leaking as it played peek-a-boo with the world around it. I looked at the water, when did I get here? Was I out in that world lost with my Raph, my sweet dear tight and screaming bloody murder brother?

Why did Don's face suddenly come up and those words 'What do you think you're doing, Leo! How could you force yourself on to Raph like this and make... make him feel like that's love! You're... you're disgusting!'

My eyes narrowed as I began to yell at the water, "I'm not disgusting you fucking bastard! I love him!" love was a twisted little demon that moved caressing your body before it took you so violently your breath had no chance of coming back.

Raph and I had that love, we both wanted it. Raph always came back for more, for me. How could Don state it was wrong with that truth?

I lifted the water up into my hip before staggering back I tuned my mind into images of Raph wet and how the leather would bring out those startling eyes. Slowly I found myself staring down into the area where Raph was strapped on the table. The leather leaving blood dripping from his raw rubbed skin from constant strugglings that had begun to show highlighting areas on Raph's dark emerald green skin.

Would I ruin that look with the water? Yes, but I had to let it dry and make sure that Raph again gave me such a scene.

Gold eyes looked up at me, true evidence of fear staining those orbs, and I didn't want fear I wanted love, understanding, wanting... and not that fake crap Don planted in Raph's head. Slowly the stairs were gone and I was in front of Raph and I saw my face reflected in those wide unimaginable eyes that had me glued to him so sexually that-.

Raph's shout as my hand moved between his thighs pushing one finger into him. The blush, the disgust, but that was overpowered by his wanting. Raph did want this. Wanted me. I could see it and feel it and god Raph was pushing down onto my finger.

"I knew you wanted this, Raph. " I leaned down my tongue darting up tasting the blood from Raph's skin. "I know you love it when I push into you. You always want 'more'. You always come back for 'more'.

"Leo, bro... please, you're not... not yourself." Raph was looking at me the stutter was trying to work its way into his voice I could see it from his wild shakes of his head and the tears freshly running down his face. "Leo, please..."

"Please, what, Raph?" I moved continuing to stretch Raph as I grabbed the bottle and slowly poured it over Rio's body, the edges on the table kept it there on it, and I watched it turn pink.

"Stop... I don't... you're not yourself right now, really." Raph actually hiccuped and it was slowly dawning that he was having difficulty breathing. It must be the leather around his neck. My hand, with the water bucket set it down near my feet, before unbinding the leather watching as the look of somewhat trust passed Raph's eyes.

"Raph, god how do you stay so tight?" Raph's face grew panicked again as he let out a sharp 'STOP' when a second finger was added to the first. I hated prepping, it took too long to make Raph like it and it always involved me spending time, effort and energy into turning him into a crying, moaning, and wanting turtle.

"Raph." I shifted climbing the table and I drizzled some water as 'lubricant' onto my cock and down Raph's thighs to coat that sweet puckered hole that was prepped but it wasn't really. Raph needed a long, as I said, prepping.

"Leo, please!" I stared at Raph's begging face and I knew by the look that dawned on it that those weren't the right words for him to say when I slipped inside fully to the hilt in one pain stabbing moment that sent the room echoing, god it echoed in blissful heaven, around coming back and it didn't die until Raph's gasping heaves were ragged; Raphael sobbed harder. I licked his neck working my way to his tears as gesture of soothing.

"Raphie, so tightie. So goodie." I couldn't believe I said that but the look Raph gazed upon me, the pain looked like absolute bliss in his eyes, made me think it was appropriate to say.

A few seconds of watching the look, the look of disgust but want, before I moved feeling the tight construction of muscle and the jerky coughs and groans and cries and...

I felt it then the feeling of the ride being smoother. I moved faster. I moved harder. I groaned when Raph called my name, in want or pain I didn't care.

It doesn't mean anything when you lose yourself to your instinct but I knew Raph loved that wild side in me. The way I kept him pinned down using him like some blow up doll. The way I'd pull in and out and then fully out sliding my dick and precum up that ass and to the tip of the plastron then down and teasingly push in and out.

I loved the glared, the wanton look, and then I'd give him back that piece of hellish heaven. I loved the way Raph would wither under me, move to push back into me, and then call my name.

It ended too soon when I came. I tried to keep up the movements of pushing in and out to arouse myself again.

I...

My arms couldn't hold me anymore and I crashed crying so hard that my body was rocking. I couldn't stand myself and this hole in my gut grew and I knew as I felt my body hit hard that it wasn't love I was feeling for Raph but just lust. I lusted after something I could take down with every ounce of my strength. I took advantage of Raph's love and loyalty.

Raph would do anything to help me and that meant sex also? Right? Was I using Raph, right, with his permission?

"Raph?" I knew the shaking in my voice was disgusting. "Raph?" it grew in persistent and nagging fear.

Raph looked at ME. Raph stared up at me.

Up? I blinked looking around and I realized that I had just daydreamed that whole situation before it actually occured while I was still looking down at Raph, who looked up at me, and that look was playful.

"So, you just going to stare at me all night or you going to use my kinky fetish and let the fun happen again?" Raph's eyes along with his face were twisted and warping but I smiled walking down the steps again, this time for real I was sure, and I placed a hand on Raph's thigh.

"I always please you, don't I?"

It was a shame though that that small voice had grown so big, so big it demented my sights and mind.

I truly can't believe that Donnie saw this happening to me, to my mental stability, and I didn't.


End file.
